The Real MJ
MJ invites both his girlfriend and gigantor best friend to visit at the same time, resulting in hurt feelings and a possible breakup. Also, Landon has the love that dares not speak its name for MJ.
View Article" Wanna Be the Girl In the Hot Tub"
It's good to have goals. It's better, though, to push them aside for the time you're going to be on the world's oldest reality show.
View ArticleSkull Fracture
The roommates all move in and get drunk, and then Danny gets his eyeball broken.
View ArticleBody Shots
Danny has eye surgery. Rachel likes Wes, who likes Johanna, who likes the bartender.
View ArticleA Kiss Is Still A Kiss
Nehemiah and Rachel tangle over the war in Iraq. Melinda makes out with Wes as a joke, and Danny gets pissed.
View ArticleOrdering Up Cheerleaders
Danny's eye finally recovers enough that he feels he can unleash his deformed face on the world.
View ArticleWes, You Ignorant Slut
I think Nehemiah said it best: "Wes is not attractive." But that doesn't stop him from getting laid by a girl with low self-esteem and a desperate desire to appear on television.
View ArticleThe Return Of Danny
Danny comes back, and acts like a jerk to Melinda. Melinda gets drunk, and Danny takes care of her, and suddenly they love each other again.
View ArticleMusic Makes The People Come Together
The roommates disagree over which bands to profile in their documentary, and Nehemiah nearly gets into a big fight in a bar.
View ArticleWild Wild Wes
The kids go to a dude ranch to drink beer and sit in a hot tub. Thank God they got away from their normal lives. Also, Danny and Melinda bore us to tears.
View ArticleBummed Out
Wes is -- gasp! -- a tool. Lacey -- gasp! -- butts in. Danny and Melinda have -- gasp! -- relationship trouble. Oh, and Johanna steals a homeless lady's rose and gets arrested and sent to jail....
View ArticleThe Most Exciting Half-Hour Of Television Ever!
OMG! Leo and Johanna, like, go back and forth on digging each other and they totally make out and then Leo has a girlfriend and Johanna is pissed and everyone weighs in on the controversy except for...
View ArticleMaking The Band
When a group of rocker guys try to fuck Melinda, Danny ain't having it!
View ArticleLace! How Low Can You Go?
Lacey's shit-talking hits a new level when she gets busted talking smack about Rachel's crap face on tape. Also: someone sings a song while playing the banjo. Cool!
View ArticleBe All The Pussboy That You Can Be
Rachel's Army boyfriend comes to visit, tiny rat dog in tow, and she refuses to have sex with him as promised, and then breaks up with him. Good visit.
View ArticleMove Along Folks, Nothing To See Here. Literally.
Okay, not literally. Figuratively, actually. But just barely. The kids work on their SXSW documentary, and sleep a lot.
View ArticleTwo Princes
The kids go to Costa Rica. Wes pretends to be Prince Harry. Danny breaks up with Mel because she says she'd have sex with Prince William. Yes, it's just as retarded as is sound.
View ArticleHow The Wes Was Won
Wes and Wren have a dumb non-relationship so developed that when Wes makes out with Johanna in front of her, only then does Wren take Wes back home for some pasty loving. Also, Neh does a poor job...
View ArticleWes And Wesser
Neh goes to jail then gets out then Wes gets drunk and maybe slaps Rachel then he and Neh rent big ruffly tuxes then they all go to the terrible premiere of their terrible documentary.
View ArticleTrue Colors
Wes and Neh come very close to murdering Rachel. Also, everyone leaves the house.
View ArticleMeet The New Cast. Same As The Old Cast.
A new season starts, and apparently we will get fooled again, because they're all more of the same. Only two things seem, at this early stage, to be at all promising: the hurricanes, and the fact that...
View ArticlePaula-In-A-Canoe And Tyler Too
Tyler makes the kids go to a gay bar. John leaves early, upsetting Tyler. Paula has more mental problems. She goes for a ride in the kayak.
View ArticleIn-Tan-Bleh-Scent
The kids learn that their job is going to be opening and operating a spray-on tanning salon. Also, Tyler is mean to Svet.
View ArticleGit-R-Done!
Svet babbles all over the place about her relationship with her crap boyfriend. She eats a pie and then reveals she was raped.
View ArticlePutting The "Pain" In "Campaign"
The kids campaign and vote to see who will be elected manager of the Mystic Tan. And that's it. Seriously.
View ArticlePier 1 Suckports
Svet is still mad that she's not manager. Zach gets fed up. The kids shop for salon furnishings at Pier 1. Only slightly less embarrassing than having a Xenu-lovin' Fat Actress shill for your crap...
View ArticleTits
Jose sees some. He doesn't like them. Also, Paula reveals that she was abused by her ex and put into a hospital. Not nice!
View ArticleThe One With Rita
John and Paula fight a lot about girls, oddly enough. Also, the kids are displaced by hurricane Rita. Get 'em, Rita!
View ArticleBlow
The kids hide out from the hurricane in West Palm Beach. Then they fight. Paula is crazy. Then they go home.
View ArticleInsane In The Membrane
The kids open their awful tanning salon. Paula is crazy some more.
View ArticleSlam!
Tyler talks shit about John and it gets back to him. Mystic Tan turns the world orange. Paula is sad because the producers won't let Abusive Keith stay at the house for liability reasons. Tyler writes...
View ArticleZach Is A Fucking Douche
Svet has to go home because Martin's dad is dying. Zach uses every awkward bullshit breakup phrase to dump Crystal.
View ArticleThe Neverending Cycle
There's fighting. There's making up. There's so much understanding of each other in the end that you could just vomit.
View ArticleRelationships
MTV only used "Relationships" as a title because "A Ploy To Get On Television And A B-Story Featuring A Boring Character Doing Not Much At All" was too long.
View ArticleHave Cake, Will Eat It Too
Svetlana's boyfriend comes to visit for her birthday; things occur.
View ArticleStep Down
Fantasy Fest. Then the housemates all go home and the national nightmare is finally over.
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